Multilingualism in Everyday Family Life

For many families, multilingualism is part of everyday life. At the same time, it brings with it questions, uncertainties, and ever-new situations: Which language do we speak when? What do we do if a child rejects a language? And how do parents find a structure that suits their lives?

Dr. Adeline Hurmaci provides insight into typical challenges and helpful tips for family life.

 

You are French, your husband is German-Turkish. Was it immediately clear to you that you wanted to pass on your languages?

When our first son was on the way, it was clear: we wanted to pass on our native languages. They are an important part of our families and our identity. My family, for example, speaks exclusively French, and part of my husband's family only speaks Turkish. Without these languages, contact would be very limited.

 

How did you start?

Like most people: somehow at first. There are various models of multilingualism. We chose OPOL: One Parent, One Language. I speak French with our son, my husband speaks Turkish. We speak German to each other.

 

And how did that go?

Well, at first. We naturally had to adjust, because before that, we almost exclusively spoke German at home. With a child, German was suddenly hardly present. When our son started kindergarten, that changed again. At about 2.5 years old, he only wanted to speak German and rejected the other languages – a point that many multilingual families reach. Children then often prefer the national language, while the other languages remain passive or are completely refused.

 

What does "remain passive" mean?

When children reject a language, they refuse it completely: They explicitly say they don't want to speak the language and often don't want to hear it either. A passive language, on the other hand, they continue to accept, continue to understand, but no longer speak themselves.

 

What are the consequences of this?

A language that is not actively used does not develop further. More complex topics can then eventually no longer be well understood. If parents then switch to the national language, the other language loses its importance and gradually recedes into the background.

 

Why do languages sometimes remain passive?

At about 2.5 years old, children grasp the concept of "language". They can consciously distinguish between different languages. The language that is strongly present in their environment and their daily lives is easier for them. The other languages then seem more strenuous or less relevant. Sometimes children also have negative experiences, for example when someone strictly says: "Here we only speak German!" Such experiences can trigger rejection.

 

What do you advise parents in this situation?

Essentially three things:

Firstly: Don't take it personally. This is difficult, because the child is rejecting their own mother tongue, i.e., a part of their own identity. But the child is not acting against the parents, but seeking security. They don't feel secure enough in this language.

Secondly: Talk to the child. From about 3 years old, you can cautiously investigate the causes: Were there negative experiences? Why does the language feel strange?

And thirdly: Bring the language back with joy. Small situations that fit the family well help: shared rituals, songs, or familiar games.

 

When is the best time to start with multiple languages?

If several languages are to be passed on within the family: Then preferably from birth. Previously, the recommendation was to solidify one language before introducing another: That is outdated. Directly from the beginning is ideal because the family has time in the first year to get used to it. The non-native language should in any case be spoken intensively with the child as early as possible to give it a chance at all. 

 

Is that a big change for families?

Yes, often it is. Many have to get used to it first. Suddenly, the languages spoken with the child are much more present in everyday life. This adjustment may take time. At the same time, there is still room to expand one's vocabulary or overcome insecurities.

 

Can you start later?

That's possible, but much more elaborate. Older children are harder to motivate and usually need support to adopt the new language. The process becomes significantly more complex.

 

Many parents fear that multiple languages would confuse children. Is that true?

No. That's a prejudice. Children cope very well with multiple languages. However, it is very helpful and recommendable to have a clear structure in the use of languages, for example, through fixed people or situations in which a certain language is spoken.

 

What strategies are there?

In addition to "One Parent, One Language", there is, for example, the "Family language - environment language" model. The choice depends on the family situation. The decisive factor is that the structure remains clear. If languages are strongly mixed by the caregivers, this does not confuse children, but it also does not facilitate the language acquisition process.

 

Do multilingual children start speaking later?

That's a widespread myth. Even for multilingual children, the rule is: by their second birthday, they should form about 50 words (counting all languages). If a child says "Wasser" and "water", that counts as two words. If children speak conspicuously little, parents should definitely have possible causes – such as hearing problems – checked.

 

How important is contact with the non-native language outside the family?

That varies. A language must be relevant for the child, i.e., important. If one parent only speaks this language, it is automatically important. However, if everyone also masters the national language well, its relevance decreases. This importance can be strengthened through relatives, friends, or rituals.

 

What role do kindergarten and the social environment play?

A big one. If the national language is not spoken at home, I recommend starting kindergarten at the latest by 2 years old. Children compare themselves with others early on. If they realize that they can't do something yet, that can make them insecure.

 

Don't children automatically learn the national language in kindergarten?

Not necessarily, many factors play a role, such as the child's age, their development in their first language, and the situation in the institution. If many children in the group speak the same non-native language, this makes learning more difficult. Professionals would then have to specifically support children in everyday life. This is often difficult due to the general conditions, such as a poor staff-to-child ratio.

 

Do parents absolutely have to speak their mother tongue with the child?

Not necessarily. It's important that they are very confident and authentic in the language. Language should not become a barrier. Some parents speak a language with their children that they master at a native level, even if it's not their first language. The decisive factor is: Does the communication feel natural and authentic, and can I express everything I want to express in this language? 

 

Can the mother tongue sometimes become a hurdle?

Yes, especially if parents themselves grew up multilingual and their mother tongue is predominantly colloquial. Then terms for more complex topics are sometimes missing. But that can also be solved.

 

How can parents proceed in such a case?

They can specifically expand their vocabulary. Especially in the first year, there is time for this. It is important that the relationship remains the focus. Language must not hinder relationships and communication. I encourage parents to look honestly: Does this language feel good? Can I be completely myself in it?

 

Is it okay to switch between languages?

Of course. Children do that too – that's normal. Nevertheless, the more consistent I am in using my language(s), the higher the chances that multilingualism will succeed. 

 

And if parents only want to pass on their language partially?

That's perfectly fine. A language can become part of everyday life through songs, rhymes, or certain situations, without being the main language. Children can build on it later if they wish.

 

What do you advise families who are currently considering how to start?

To take their time and speak openly. Especially if only one parent has a different mother tongue, it is important for the partner to understand: Why is this so important to me? Only if both pull together can it work.

 

So teamwork is important?

Very important. Parents should agree on a common strategy early on: What suits us, our environment, our living reality, and our goals? In the first year, they can try things out, reflect, and adapt their strategy. Not everything has to be perfect. Parents can grow with their child.

 

You can find even more scientifically sound information on early childhood development from 0-3 years, over 650 activities and much more in the mo:mo app.